Blog Ness Monster

We should be getting frequent flyer miles...

2012-02-08T22:15:00.001+01:00


Right after it happened. It swelled up a lot worse over the next few days.

I tell you, between the kids and M we're keeping the local medical system in business. I was just about to post a picture of M's fingers. He blocked a kick wrong at Taekwondo last week and badly sprained his fingers. Might have also broken the tip of one of them but x-rays were inconclusive.

Before I had time to write about that particular adventure, however, M arrived home from TKD and asked me to drive him to the emergency room. Looks like he's torn a muscle in his calf. They bandaged him, gave him a pair of crutches and asked him to visit the local surgeon tomorrow. again. Dr. D is a local legend and a workaholic. I'm beginning to suspect that he sees us more often lately than he does his own family... :-P

At least the mega-dose anti-inflammatory meds he's now taking for his calf will help his hand as well-- he's nothing if not efficient!

Jacket nazis

2012-02-08T08:05:00.000+01:00

S is growing fast and will be needing a new winter jacket soon. The other day he mentioned that he likes multicolored snowboarding jackets and that he'd like something bright and colorful. This is the first time he's ever mentioned any preference regarding clothes, so on Monday his Oma and I went with him to the mall so that he could pick out a jacket.

We were browsing the outerwear section when he found it: a really cute jacket with bright, cheerful red, white and blue blocks. He tried it on and his eyes sparkled as he admired himself in the mirror. He had found his holy grail. On the way back to the car he had a spring in his step and obviously felt very "cool"! Oma winked at me and said: there goes a great jacket with a very happy boy in it. :-)

Yesterday S and B had a dentist appointment so I picked them up from school early. S hopped into the car and dissolved into tears. When I asked what was wrong he said that everyone had laughed at him because he had a "girls' jacket". Apparently one of his classmatess said: "Wow, S, nice jacket!" and when he said "Thanks" he rounded it out with: "...for a girl!" S walked around in a t-shirt for the rest of the day. It's -10 degrees outside.

After the dentist I took him back to the mall where we returned the jacket. He was so relieved and today he's wearing his old black jacket and is feeling safe and anonymous again.

I know we can't shelter our kids from this sort of situation, and that by knowing I've got his back he's stronger for it, but I just keep remembering his humiliation and his tears and it breaks my heart...

No. your "other" left shoulder

2012-02-01T19:21:00.004+01:00

I was at the dermatologists today. Spent enough time abusing my skin on the Florida beaches as a teenager that I'm ending up spending about quadruple that as an adult checking a plethora of suspicious looking blemishes for signs of things gone awry.

Anyway, the spot on my foot that I'd gone in to have checked was fine so I asked her to check a strange spot on my shoulder blade. It's really freaking cold outside so I had about 45 different layers on, and instead of taking them off I just pulled up my sweater and bared my shoulder blade. She said she couldn't see anything suspicious and I was so relieved! ...until about 2 hours later when I realized that I'd showed her the wrong. damned. shoulder. UGH.

I've been watching this spot for months now, but it's always been in the mirror, and I was visualizing the mirror image when I was talking to her!

Have I ever mentioned here that I have absolutely NO SPATIAL VISUALISATION ABILITY whatsoever?! GAH!

They're sexy and they know it.***

2012-01-24T20:54:00.001+01:00

**My apologies in advance for my hyena imitation in the background. I had no idea they were preparing this until they suddenly whipped off their shirts... (gotta love the part about them having "passion in their pants". Am literally LMFAO!)

So sorry I missed that!

2012-01-22T21:43:00.002+01:00

S: Mom! You would not have BELIEVED how hard it was snowing out on the mountain when we were skiing yesterday! The wind blew the snow straight into my nose holes!

2 kilos worth of "interesting"

2012-01-21T10:12:00.001+01:00

B came home from school, pulled two fistfuls of change out of his pockets and tossed them on the table.

Umm thanks? What the heck is that?

It's your change from the field trip. 3 Euros and 20 cents!

Your teacher gave you 3 Euros and 20 cents in 5 and 10 cent pieces???

No! Ha! He gave it to me in 3 coins which I kept feeding into the soda machine in the lobby until it gave me all this change!

B?! Why on earth did you do that?

I don't know-- I like to keep things interesting!

Gulag lingerie

2012-01-19T16:10:00.001+01:00

We haven't done kids cooking night in a while, B! What would you like to cook?

I don't know. Maybe a clear, thin soup!

*snort* You mean like what they serve in prison?

No. I want to cook a bra! Like the one you always used to make!

??? Excuse me?

Oh. I think I meant "broth".

Stinky New Year!

2012-01-17T13:54:00.001+01:00

I suddenly realized yesterday that one of my offspring hadn't showered yet in 2012. !!!???

End of 2011 Wrap-up

2012-01-06T10:10:00.002+01:00

Wow, I can't believe it's been almost 3 months since my last post! Crazy!

Well, since I last posted S has turned 12. He's maturing so fast but will flip-flop back and forth. One minute he'll be talking to me like an adult and the next he's desperate to sit on my lap. It's sweet and wonderful and funny and completely tragic all at the same time!

Lately his two favorite things to do are rapping to the lyrics of his favorite songs and giving me shoulder massages. Which can make for some pretty uncomfortable moments since I'm the only one of the both of us who realizes just how lewd those lyrics are!

Injury-wise we've ended 2011 with multiple bangs and more than a whimper. B had to see an ophthalmologist after getting poked in the eye during PE and seeing everything colored wrong. S had a nasty crash at a go-kart track and was pretty shaken up. I was worried enough about a concussion that I spent an extra half-hour at the track with him afterwards just in case he passed out or threw-up. Just before Christmas S got slammed into a cabinet during a somewhat rowdy game of tag at school, which led to a dramatically swollen ankle. And then in the waning hours of the year he wiped out playing soccer and split open his elbow. Oma came to the rescue (AGAIN) with her home-cut butterfly bandages, managed to close the wound and saved us another trip to the emergency room for stitches.

D the Wonderdog has injured her elbow again. We've got her on a 10 week stint of anti-inflammatories, and our ancient cat had her own emergency run to the vet when she became very ill with Kitty strep.

In the end all's well that ends well, thank God and knock on wood!, but I'm kind of hoping that 2012 will be less "eventful" in the emergency department...

M is settling into his job. The past 6 months have been one big learning curve, but he's finding his way and his German is improving by leaps and bounds. Yesterday evening he had a meeting to hammer out some details because if all goes according to plan he'll soon be the division leader for Taekwando!

B is doing great in school-- it's amazing how quickly he's adapted to the new environment! He's made a really nice group of friends and is blossoming.

I'm busy with English lessons, volunteer work, sports and just being a mama extraordinaire. ;-) One of my resolutions for the coming year is to stop by here more often. There are, thankfully, too many funny things going on around here to let them go unremarked...

Wishing you all a healthy and happy start to 2012!

Alles Gute zum zehnten Geburtstag!

2011-10-14T15:24:00.005+02:00

When we decided to move to Germany back in 2006 a lot of people wished us luck and reminded us of the Germans' cold, standoffish reputation. And the Schwabians? They're apparently the worst of the bunch!

I am happy to report that this hasn't been our experience at all! We have been blessed with great friends and neighbors!

Last night the doorbell rang. It was one of our neighbors. She'd apparently found out that it's B's birthday today and she showed up with a homemade cake decorated with M&M's and sparklers!!!

Happy 10th birthday, big guy! May you have many more happy and healthy decades to explore the world and to make friends in new cultures!

Grampa and his adoreable grandkids

2011-10-14T07:36:00.003+02:00

My poor dad is always the photographer and rarely ends up in any of the family snapshots. I was just sifting through some old photos and came across this series which made me laugh until tears came to my eyes. He finally has a chance to have his picture taken but no one else was in the mood to cooperate at that moment!

Mayberry R.F.D.

2011-10-03T08:57:00.001+02:00

It was 9:30 and getting noisy in the restaurant, so we did what any responsible parents would do and sent our kids outside so that we could finish our half-liter beers.

B showed up about 10 minutes later, eyes wild and cheeks glowing. "I just saw a TEENAGER! And he lit a cigarette, but didn't SMOKE it and then threw it in the BUSHES!"

We agreed that this was completely scandalous and sent him back outside.

"There you go, that's life in the big city!" chuckled M. Someone made an Andy Griffith crack and we all giggled.

Suddenly the kids came bursting back in-- they were all shouting at once and gesticulating wildly. All I could hear was: TEENAGERS! BIKE! WINDOW! GLASS EVERYWHERE!

M and our friend went outside to investigate and came back a couple of minutes later. Apparently two boys had thrown their bikes through the window of the bus stop behind the restaurant and then disappeared.

The kids came storming back in-- "canwecallthepolice, canwecallthepolice, CAN WE CALL THE POLICE?!" M handed them his Blackberry and they dialed 110.

We were waiting outside when the police arrived. One of them swept up the piles of safety glass rubble while the other wrote down all the vital information.

"How tall were these teenagers?" S pointed to M. "About as tall as my dad." "OK. How were they built? Were they skinny or muscular or fat?" C pointed to M. "They were built about like S's dad." The police officer looked at M, who just smiled and shrugged his shoulders.

Once everything was written down, the officers thanked us, hopped into their car and pulled out. When they saw the kids waving then they drove off with flashing lights and blared their sirens. The kids were so excited they were about to split out of their skins! It was a banner day for the Bloodhound Gang in H-town! :-)

Makes me wonder what's next...

2011-09-30T19:56:00.002+02:00

A sweet, but somewhat bizarre neighbor keeps trying to make contact with me. She doesn't speak any German (or English) but often hangs out of her window when I drive up and shouts: "Heh! HEH!" One day she came out bearing a plateful of dates, another time it was a ring with a pink plastic gem. Today she flagged me down and handed me a bowl of soup. It was right around lunchtime, so I smiled and thanked her. When I got upstairs I took a big gulp and discovered that it was spoiled. (???)

Moscow trip in pictures

2011-09-22T14:13:00.018+02:00

M and I spent the weekend in Moscow visiting all our old haunts and taking a major trip down memory lane.

I haven't been back since 1996 and the city has changed enormously since then. Amazing how much friendlier and more global the city has become! People are dressed so nicely now and you even see a lot of them smiling, which was great but also a little bizarre! There are chain stores everywhere and although I did end up grabbing a sub at subway on the way to the airport I found it a bit depressing to see Dunkin' Donuts and Wendy's and TGI Fridays there.

Was amazed at how much Russian I can remember. I've been working on it pretty diligently for about 6 months now, but haven't been able to get anything out of my mouth on the few occasions that I've tried to practice with acquaintances. And then when I got to the border the agent asked me in Russian: "Do you speak Russian?" I answered "Da" and realized that it was true! It was fantastic!

Had a great time, really enjoyed being back, but this trip just made me realize even more that I'm not a big city person and that I'm so happy to have ended up here in this lovely, clean, green small town in Germany!

Fruit fruit fruit!

2011-09-09T08:29:00.009+02:00

A friend has a couple of plots of land near here where he cultivates fruit trees. Tuesday he showed up with his Unimog and took S and B with him to harvest the fruit.

Herr G explained all about the growing process and his way of farming organically. The boys came home bubbling over with wild tales about helpful insects, tall ladders and bumpy rides in the Unimog.

They also returned with crates of apples, pears and plums! Yesterday B and I made several liters of applesauce and 4 kilos of plum marmalade! It was such a pleasure to see him busy in the kitchen! This year he took the lead, pitted most of the plums himself and kept track of all the steps we had to follow. I was honored to be his faithful assistant!

(It was also very handy that B could do so much himself. I spent a good chunk of time trying to clean dog vomit off of the carpet. Turns out D stole a bunch of plums while no one was looking, wolfed them down and then deposited them in one big foul-smelling, multicolored puddle right at the door to the kitchen!)

Energy drinx

2011-09-06T15:14:00.004+02:00

S asked me the other day if he could buy a Red Bull with his pocket money and my answer was, of course, a resounding "NO!" He was in a thoughtful mood, though, and said that he's very curious about the drinks because everyone in his class drinks them and then brags about it. And that he feels left out sometimes because he can't keep up with the conversation. Good point!

I told him that I have nothing against him trying the drinks, but that they're terrible for your body and explained why I don't want him drinking them on a regular basis. But I can also imagine that he's curious, so I suggested that we do a taste test so that he can form his own opinion about them and join in on the small talk.

Today we bought the three most popular drinks: Red Bull, Rock Star and Sexergy. I had S and B write down how many calories and how many milligrams caffiene each had per 100 ml. Then we compared them to other drinks like coffee, tea, chocolate milk, etc. (They have 3x more caffeine than Coca Cola!)

Then we all tried a small glass of each. The taste test winner? Rock Star, which has 2g more sugar per ml than the other two. (Blech!)

Thinking I was teaching them something about marketing I asked S and B why they thought the company gave Sexergy its name. S smiled and said: "I dunno-- maybe it has sperm in it!" :-D

Chateau de Marquis de Sade, Lacoste

2011-09-03T17:01:00.009+02:00

Faceplant at le pool

2011-09-03T16:10:00.002+02:00

B slipped climbing out of the pool yesterday evening and bit through his lip in two places. At first I thought we were going to have to take him in to have it stitched but after some ice, ibuprofen and compresses it looks like he's going to be OK.

Oma used her Red Cross training (again!) to cut a butterfly bandage to close the wound and it swelled up but stayed closed.

On the upside, this being the Provence, B got to rinse his mouth out a few times with Pastis! And he loved it! Vive la France!

Faux Pas

2011-09-03T16:06:00.003+02:00

We were having lunch this afternoon when a couple came in with a small, wiggly dog with a pug-nose and pointy ears. S, B and I went over to admire him and I said: "Wow, he's cute! Is that a Boston Bull terrier?"

The owner could barely hide his disgust: "What?! NO! It's a French Bull terrier!" :-D

More pictures!

2011-09-01T18:46:00.009+02:00

Today we took a hike between Castellet and Auribeau, two small villages near here where M and his family spent many happy summers. The whole area is so picturesque and the weather was sunny and beautiful!

We were pretty deep into the woods when S picked up a rock and uncovered a nest of scorpions! then B discovered an evil red-juice-spitting beetle. The rest of the walk was interesting, but not completely for all the right reasons. ;-)

Lunar landscape (with sheep)

2011-08-31T23:15:00.011+02:00

Today I hiked part of the top of the Mont Ventoux again with the kids and the dog. Had a couple of nervewracking moments when one of them stepped (or peed) too close to the edge, but otherwise it went great and we had a really nice afternoon. Here is the photographic evidence, documented by S.

Le sun! Les grapes! Le vin!

2011-08-30T18:02:00.005+02:00

Roussillon

2011-08-29T15:39:00.008+02:00

Today we visited Roussillon, a quaint little town nearby, which is famous for its ochre mines. Spent about an hour hiking through the woods and marveling at the gorgeous variety of vibrant color in the cliffs and trails. Then we had coffee and ice cream and came back to the campsite so that the boys can swim.

This afternoon Oma and I will hit the supermarket-- there's been a disaster here: we've run out of peanut butter! I can now sympathize with rehab patients and their withdrawal pains! Hope to get lucky-- there are so many Dutch and American tourists in this area, and that usually means PEANUT BUTTER! Please keep your fingers crossed and send some good vibes my way! ;-)

Hustlin'

2011-08-28T20:13:00.008+02:00

We’re back in the Provence; this time I’m camping with the kids and Michiel’s parents. I wanted to jump on Internet to ~~fart around~~ follow intellectual pursuits. The campground has a wifi router and guests can buy access in increments of 1 hour, 1 day, etc.

I just told the woman at reception that I’d like to buy 24 hour access. She handed me a card with the rates printed on it and said that I can just buy it directly over Internet. (Right, like I’m about to give my credit card information over a public server!) Knowing it's also possible to pay with cash, I smiled sweetly, waved 10 Euros at her and said in my very best French:

Mais non, je préfére acheter vous! ( Which means approximately: No thanks, I’d rather buy you.)

Niiiiiiiiiiccccceee. I haven’t even been here 24 hours and I’m already puttin’ the moves on the staff!

Say what?!

2011-08-26T09:16:00.005+02:00

Me: OK guys, you've *got* to get your hair cut! I've made an appointment for you for this afternoon. How do you want them to do your hair?

B.: I want mine long.

Me: OK B, but last time you weren't happy with what you got. Maybe you should bring a picture of the haircut you want so that the stylist knows what you like. Whose hair do you like?

B.: Gaddafi's.

**Follow-up: In the end he decided to get it cut shorter so that it doesn't get in his eyes at the pool this week. His hair turned out great, just for GOD'S SAKE, please don't tell him it looks "just like Justin Bieber"! ;-)

Tomorrow we'll wrestle some crocodiles

2011-08-18T20:38:00.003+02:00

Earlier this week we took out S's stitches using kitchen shears at the breakfast table. Today we hiked the top of Mont Ventoux! We are so manly! Just like Ernest Hemingway! (the only thing missing is the scotch. and the hangovers. usually...)

Hello from sunny Provence!

2011-08-16T18:44:00.004+02:00

Well we finally made it to the Provence. Left a day later than planned, but that turned out fine because it meant that we had plenty of time to do the things that are normally last minute and our departure was relatively relaxed.

S's knee has healed up nicely. We took the stitches out right here on the campground yesterday: just propped his leg up on the table amongst the breakfast dishes and cut them out with the a pair of kitchen shears. Now there's a vacation memory we'll never forget! :-)

Took a tour of an old coal mine in Alès yesterday. It was fascinating, and the kids were really impressed by the horrendous conditions under which the miners (and their families) had to work over the years. This provided yet another convincing opportunity to remind them why it's so important to get a good education.

S has now had a year of French in school, so it's been a treat for him to be able to interact with kids here on the playground and try out his vocabulary. It's taken him a lot more effort to learn than he'd expected, so it's nice for him to be able to have fun with it here and see that his lessons, however dry, really are useful.

S and B have spent the past couple of days working through a French Donald Duck comic book; I'm wrestling with a Russian health magazine and M is reading a German camping magazine. We're all leaning waaaaaaay out of our comfort zone, but that's a good thing to do while stretched out in lawn chairs in the shade with a cool drink and a happy, lazy dog! :-)

Life with Boyz

2011-08-05T17:03:00.006+02:00

The last 24 hours have been a little more "interesting" than are good for me. B dislocated his shoulder playing soccer yesterday evening. M, who was watching them play, called me and asked me to hurry down because Bram's shoulder looked "suspicious". By the time I got there it had popped back in and he was feeling better. Iced it down, gave him Ibuprofen, and after a sleepless night (mine, not his!) everything seems to be on the mend.

Then this afternoon S fell off of his bike out at the skateboard park. B called to tell me that it was bleeding and deep enough that you could "see something white" in the wound. Niiiiiice. 3 hours, one pediatrician, one surgeon and 3 stitches later and we're back home. We've got a follow-up appointment with the doctor at 8:45 am tomorrow morning. (We had planned to leave to drive to the Provence at 6am.)

I think I've had enough drama to last me for a while, thank you...

Bosnia and Herzegovina

2011-07-20T00:11:00.010+02:00

I almost forgot to blog about my trip in July to Bosnia! And old friend got married in Sarajevo and I was lucky enough to be able to attend the wedding and its festivities. Friends of the bride and groom traveled from all around Europe and it was a lively group-- I reconnected with old friends and colleagues and met some really fantastic people! We spent the weekend exploring Sarajevo and took a day trip to Mostar. There is so much history there, some of it so tragic, but all of it extremely interesting. I had a great time and am so happy to have been able to go!

Linguistic goofs

2011-07-19T14:51:00.004+02:00

Last week I wanted to tell someone in German that we bought our dog back in 2004, but I accidentally used the Dutch verb (gekocht) and proudly announced that we "boiled" her when she was only 8 weeks old.

The other day my brain short-circuited while I was switching back and forth between Dutch and German. I told one person that a boat crashed into some rocks and sank. Turned immediately after that to a German and repeated the sentence in German, but used the Dutch word for rocks, but that actually means "snot" in German. Talk about a maritime tragedy!

FINALLY!

2011-07-05T13:12:00.002+02:00

After a whole lotta bumbling I've finally earned a yellow belt in Aikido!!!

Could have been Deepthroat for all I know...

2011-07-02T22:47:00.004+02:00

There's a sleepover tonite at our house and the kids chose a film where parental guidance is suggested. M decided to watch it along with them, but he's had a rough week and I already knew beforehand that he wouldn't make it all the way through.

When the film ended he came downstairs and helped get the kids ready for bed. He stretched, smiled and said: "OK, now it's time for me to sleep further."

"Really? You didn't end up watching the film at all, did you?"

"I'm afraid not."

I gasped in mock horror: "What if there were SEX SCENES in it?!!!"

"Well, they didn't keep me awake if there were..."

Half relaxed, half TOTALLY NOT!

2011-06-23T15:18:00.004+02:00

We're finishing up a 2 week camping trip. We spent the first week in Marseillan on the French coast and now we're here on our favorite spot on Lake Garda. On the whole it's been a nice vacation, but the boys have been spending time with friends on both campgrounds and haven't wanted to leave, so we've spent an inordinate amount of time hanging out under trees, reading books and staring out at the water. And that's fine for a while, but now I"m feeling itchy and restless and really, really, REALLY need to get off of this campground before I snap. Anyone want to bust out with me?

**I've got plenty of nice things to write about the last two weeks as well, but I'd better do that at a moment when I can actually sit STILL...

A hike-- and a show!

2011-06-17T17:09:00.008+02:00

This week we're camping in Marseillan Plage, at a campground which is right on the beach. I'm long past the days when I enjoyed baking in the sun, and spend my afternoons reading in the shade instead. I've been getting up early every morning, though, to take a couple km hike with D up the beach to a nearby pier, and it's been fantastic! I'd forgotten how much I love the smells and sounds of the sea, the feeling of the cool water and the soft sand under my feet!

My first day out was especially astonishing! I couldn't believe the empty expanses of the coastline, the small crabs scuttling about, and the really ancient guy who somehow managed to stay way ahead of me, despite his advanced years and his deceptively shuffling gate. As I got closer I was a little surprised too at his saggy flesh-colored bathing suit.

Hey wait a minute-- that isn't a bathing suit, those are his bare buttocks! ???!!!

Upon closer inspection I realized that he was buck naked!

When I finally managed to pass him him, he nodded serenely and I returned his greeting. Within a couple more minutes another elderly person passed walking in the opposite direction. He'd remembered to clothe himself... in a canary-yellow thong bikini! He waved and shouted something jovial to me in French-- I think it had to do with D being faster than he is since she has 4 legs and he's only got 2.

The next geriatric fellow was sans lingerie, but had at least remembered to put on his cock-ring before leaving his campsite. Thank goodness! (Can I even say that word on the Internets? I have a feeling that now my search term hits from Google are about to go through the roof!)

The further I got down the beach, the more bizarre my walk became-- I passed a bronzed, surprisingly well-muscled septugenarian who was competely immersed in Tai Chi, and another happy guy playing a clarinet in the buff in the dunes; a couple of women who must have been sisters who were talking simultaneously nonstop, and a woman who'd seen fit to shave her dog, which gave the illusion that he was just as naked as she was!

Turns out our campground is right on the edge of a nudist vacation village! Ha! I haven't had this much fun people watching since Carnevale!

Communicating on two totally different wavelengths

2011-06-16T17:03:00.000+02:00

B has been coughing for a couple of days. It sounds awful-- he'll empty his lungs of air and then continue to sputter and gag until tears stream from his eyes and his face turns an alarming shade of scarlet. I have a sneaking suspicion that this doesn't happen when he's alone, though, if you catch my drift, so I'm not overly worried.

Today we were exploring Barcelona when he suddenly had another attack. At the next opportunity we ducked into a pharmacy.

The pharmacist smiled and greeted us in Spanish.

"Hi" I tried in English and pointed at B. "He's coughing." And I fake coughed helpfully to illustrate my point.

"How old is he?"

This caught me off guard. "What?! Nine?" I turned to B "You're nine, right?"

He nodded, smiling, looking relaxed, tan, and perfectly healthy. I turned back to the pharmacist. "Do you have any cough drops?"

He disappeared and then returned a few minutes later with a bottle. "This are the drops for the coughing."

I don't recognize the active ingredient, so I decide to try again. "Ha, no sorry, I don't mean those kinds of drops, I mean something to suck on."

"He is too young."

"What?! No, I mean a lozenge! UNE SUCETTE! To suck on!"

"He is too young. Maybe some water?"

I gave up. Smiled, thanked him, took B's hand and left. On the way out the door a rack caught my eye. It was stacked with 5 different kinds of Hall's cough drops...

Oooooppppsssssssss! part 2

2011-06-10T07:07:00.002+02:00

Yesterday I was chatting with some new neighbors and told them M and I would liquidate each other if necessary on the ride down to France.

You should have seen the looks on their faces!

I'd blanked out on the German verb used when two people switch off to relieve each other when driving, doing shift work, etc, so I just jimmy-rigged the Dutch word, slapped a German accent on it, and VOILA! Instant consternation!

The problem is that in these situations it's often too complicated to explain how I came up with such a glaring error in the first place, so I often don't even try anymore. Maybe it's not a bad think if the neighbors think I have a sinister side-- might come in handy when I go over to talk to them about trimming their hedges... (Mwahahahaaaaaa!)

Oooooppppsssssssss!

2011-06-09T16:58:00.007+02:00

I just got an email from M with this as the subject line:

"Marseille, or Marseillan Plage, same difference..."

We've had plans for months now to go camping for a week with friends at one of their favorite haunts. This morning I mailed the address to M so that we can plug it into the GPS and not just drive around and hope we get lucky and find the campground on the first try. Turns out this is a good thing, because the campground is NOWHERE NEAR to Marseille, which is where I've been telling everyone we were going all this time! And we'd even made plans to visit my brother and sister in law who will be camping "nearby". Whoops! Big blunder!

I sent a reply back saying: "Whoops. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!" and M replied that I might want to put the vodka away. I'm glad he's got a sense of humor, or I would have been snuffed out long ago! ;-)

Blood and Roses

2011-06-03T23:14:00.008+02:00

Does anyone else remember this song by the Smithereens? Brings back all kinds of great memories-- I'm going to have to go dig that CD out of storage and play it this weekend. (really LOUD! ;-) )

Blood: A brand new playground paradise has been built near our house. Along with the usual slides and swings, it's also got interesting stuff for older kids, like a skateboard park, bmx track, zip lines and a climbing wall. S and B have been spending a lot of time down there and come back looking the way boys should look: sweaty, dirty, and with impressive scrapes that they can show off to all their friends...

Roses: My new garden is GORGEOUS! A friend called it a "botanical paradise", which on the one hand is fantastic, but on the other is a big responsibility! I'm so afraid of doing something wrong and screwing up 25 years worth of loving care!

In any case, for the first time in my life I'm interested in flowers and regularly bring them in for fresh bouquets on the dining room table. This week the roses started blooming. I must have 15 different kinds out there and every day it's a surprise what color / form will bloom next! What a treat!

And now, for your viewing pleasure, to fit in with today's theme, here's the Smithereen's slightly shallow but no less kick-ass song, Blood and Roses. :-)

complete with sprinkles.

2011-05-28T21:58:00.002+02:00

We're in Amsterdam this weekend to celebrate my brother-in-law's birthday. Opa, the kids and the dog drove straight to C's house while Oma, M and I went to a furniture store to try to find a lamp for our dining room.

Suddenly M's phone rang. It was S, who was so wound up he kept tripping over his words. I heard M say: "WHAT?! You're KIDDING!" and my heart sank.

He hung up and started laughing. The dog apparently ate 13 cupcakes while no one was looking.

That kid cracks me up!

2011-05-23T15:30:00.004+02:00

"So you cleaned out the dishwasher for my birthday this morning, huh?"

"Yep."

"Am I going to be able to find anything in the kitchen ever again?"

"Good question."

"You put the bowls in the silverware drawer, didn't you?"

"What?! NO! I hid the silverware in the bowls and then balanced them all on your best wine glasses!"

So far, so great.

2011-05-22T08:20:00.004+02:00

It's my birthday. And as is with about half my birthdays, M is out of town. I've had a really nice weekend so far with the boys, though, and a good friend is coming over for coffee later. I slept in this morning and it looks like I've finally shaken the cold that's dogged me all week. This is the first morning I've woken up feeling good since Tuesday!

S has cleaned out the dishwasher and B came in this morning with a piece of peanut butter toast, a cup of coffee and the following (somewhat ramshackle) poem:

For Mama

I do not know wat I schuld have sead so I made you some coffe and bread.

Now it has come, the day, that its your Birthday.

Happy Birthday.

(Apparently he snuck out of bed last night to write this down. He had a whole story about a wild escapade to find a suitable pen. That kid cracks me up!)

Literal translations don't always work well.

2011-05-21T08:13:00.000+02:00

Last weekend we were in Holland to celebrate M's grandma's 101st birthday. She rented out the wing of a restaurant and treated 60 or so of her offspring, offspring's offspring, and offspring's offspring's offspring (and their families) to a buffet dinner.

About halfway through B turned to me, batted his eyelashes innocently and asked: "So is S really allowed to go back for his 6th scoop of ice cream?"

I whistled to get S's attention and waved him over. "S, no more ice cream. No more sugar."

He looked at me, completely exasperated. "But I'm STARVING!"

"You're starving?! How is that possible-- we've been sitting at a buffet for 2 hours now."

"I know, but the only thing I've eaten tonight is a round piece of pig flesh!"

I actually snorted with laughter at that one. (But he still didn't get any more ice cream.)

How did that door get here?!

2011-05-17T15:07:00.016+02:00

He gazes, completely perplexed, up at the new garage door and down at the fresh cement at the threshold. "How did that door get here?!"

I shake my head: "I have no idea. You probably ordered it and had it installed recently."

He looks at me, raises his eyebrows and scratches his head. When he pulls his hand away it's covered with blood. "Hey! I'm bleeding!"

"I know. You've fallen and hurt your head. Please come sit down over here next to me so that you don't fall again and hurt yourself even worse."

"What are we waiting for?"

"We are waiting for an ambulance-- someone needs to take a look at that wound on your head."

He sits down for a minute, but then hops back up again and staggers back over to the garage: "How did that door get here?!"

I shake my head: "I have no idea. You probably ordered it and had it installed recently."

"Hey! I'm bleeding!"

"I know. You've fallen and hurt your head. Sir? Please come sit down over here next to me so that you don't fall again and hurt yourself even worse."

"Who are we waiting for?"

This continues for 25 minutes and my heart is pounding. He's bleeding less now, but is totally confused; staggering left to right, sitting down, standing up; shaking his head in disbelief.

I call 911: "Hello. I think that someone called you about a half an hour ago to report that a man has fallen here on the A.strasse and I just want to confirm it."

The operator snickers: "Confirm what? That someone has fallen?"

My cheeks burn. "No. That an ambulance is on the way. This person is conscious but extremely confused. I think he has a concussion. The bleeding has pretty much stopped, but someone needs to take a look at the wound on his head."

It's a good thing I called, because they apparently have no record of the earlier call.

After I hang up I ask the man for his cell phone and call and leave a message for his son, who apparently lives nearby.

Within 3 minutes an ambulance arrives-- they ask me a couple of questions, but they're speaking muddy Schwäbisch, which I have a hard time understanding, and whatever I answer obviously doesn't satisfy them. They completely dismiss me, brush past, perform first aid, bundle the man into the ambulance and drive off.

I stand there on the sidewalk for several minutes feeling like a "stupid foreigner". It actually takes me a couple of days before I stop berating myself for sloppy grammar and remember that I did the right thing, that I acted compassionately and did the best I could in that difficult situation.

It's funny, isn't it, that it's so much easier to be kind to strangers than it is to be kind to ourselves?

Clearing up that "purplish-black cloud of ink"...

2011-05-10T21:06:00.017+02:00

One of my boys is a chameleon. He's diplomatic and spends most of his time skimming across the surface of life. As long as nobody is angry with him he's usually doing just fine.

My other son is intense, opinionated and colorful. He's probably more self-assured than his brother, but he drinks deeply from the cup of life and that's not always easy for him.

Lately he's felt bullied in school; several classmates have been provoking him. He's tried ignoring them, but at a certain point their taunts become too much, he blows up and they laugh and call him a ticking time bomb.

Because this has been going on daily, the effect has snowballed. He's become increasingly agitated; his patience is thin and his fuse is short, which makes it even more rewarding for his classmates. They just wind him up and watch him go.

I am a firm believer in the therapeutic power of meditation and have tried to help lay a foundation for him. He's meditated sporadically in the past and has enjoyed it, but has never needed it as he does now. I've never seen him this out of balance.

Last Thursday his "monkey mind" was causing chaos: shrieking, throwing feces. I downloaded the second CD from the Indigo Dreams series for him and said: "Let's do an experiment. You meditate with these tracks every day for a week and see if you feel better."

We're 4 days in and he's regained his equilibrium-- he's back to his normal, happy self. Today someone tried to push his buttons at school and he was able to shrug it off and realized that the provocation was groundless.

Thank God for the Angry Octopus! And thank you, Lori Lite, for making these tools available to remind kids that even when they can't change their circumstances, they often have control over how they react to them...

I'm living in a Calvin and Hobbes comic strip

2011-05-09T16:00:00.005+02:00

S: (stretching) It's a BEAUTIFUL day out!

Me: (distracted) Mmmmhmmm.

S: I'm done with school and I don't have any homework!!!

Me: Mmmmmm!

S: OK, well if you need me I'll be down in my room with the shades drawn, chewing tobacco and listening to AFN...

I think he'll live...

2011-05-08T16:04:00.003+02:00

The school called me this morning: Could I please come pick up Bram? He's feeling sick.

When I walked into B's classroom the Math teacher said: "May I help you?" I just smiled and nodded toward B, assuming she knew that he'd had me called. But instead she just looked puzzled as B packed his bag and left without a word.

B was surprisingly chipper on the way home, but he's never given me a false alarm before, so I figured I'd give him the benefit of the doubt.

We got home and he went straight to bed. Later on he made himself lunch: eggs with garlic and a decaf latte. Something tells me he's on the road to wellsville...

Happy Muthersday!

2011-05-08T08:24:00.004+02:00

This morning I awoke to a cup of coffee, 4 ice cold feet under the sheets, and the following poem, read aloud for dramatic effect:

I like how you make my food
I like youre verry happy mood,
You make me Breackfast, Dinner, Lunch
And I love you (Pause) a bunch.
I like you even thow you only like 1 car (PT)
And you don't go to the bar,
I hope you have a wonderful May
(Pause) Happy Muthersday!

Fast Five.

2011-05-07T08:32:00.008+02:00

Last week M and I probably got ourselves nominated as the worst parents on the planet. And it's only partly because kept the kids out past 10pm. On a school night. When S had a heavy German test the next day.

No, it's worse than that. We actually took them to a screening party Chrysler held for its employees for the German premier of "Fast Five".

All I can say is: wow.

We knew they'd love the cars, but on top of that they also got an eyeful of over-the-top violence and possibly the WORST ACTING ever recorded! I haven't seen the other 4 films, and definitely have no desire to correct that particular deficit.

S loved it, B said about halfway through that he was done, and could we please go home now.

We had a biiiiiig debriefing on the way home, and I was cracking up at the things that they noticed and remembered. The hot babes went right over their heads, but they were coming up with all kinds of inconsistencies in the film:

The evil crime boss needed to use his right hand for the fingerprint recognition for the safe but they took the prints of his left hand to break into it.
Vin Diesel and The Rock were fighting, fell through a window and had cuts all over their faces and yet in the next scene they looked normal
One of the cars gets totally destroyed and in the next scene its windows are all intact.
The Rock sweated profusely throughout the movie, and yet all the other actors looked fresh and cool

Oh, and they asked me if I think that Brazil is really like that. And I said: "If it's got lots of beautiful women in bikinis and slick mobsters and huge hulking men with machine guns?" And they said: "What?! No! If it's so violent."

Now with extra protein!

2011-05-06T21:07:00.003+02:00

Tonight our salad was so fresh, so organic, that suddenly a worm slithered out and made a grand escape across S's dinner plate! :-P

When a tornado meets a volcano...

2011-05-06T14:37:00.001+02:00

Eminem and Rihanna's "Love the Way You Lie" came on the radio this afternoon and S and B were singing along at the top of their lungs.

I couldn't help myself: "Guys, you know that the lyrics to this song are completely ridiculous, right?"

They erupt into giggles in the back seat. "Ye-hesssss!"

"What? So you realize that, right?"

"Yeah, because you say that *every single time* this song comes on the radio!"

Well at least I'm consistent. :-D

In his element

2011-05-01T15:25:00.007+02:00

This morning the house was quiet. The Taekwando club was holding a fundraiser bbq at the school sportshall; M went to help out and S and B were thrilled to have an official reason to hang out and play tag with a lively crowd of other local kids.

I took advantage of the rare lack of chaos here to unpack some more boxes and organize one of our overflowing storage rooms.

Took a break at 2:30 to walk the dog and circled back around to the school to see if the TKD party was still going. I came around the bend and saw M manning a grill, wearing a cheesy photo-apron which gave the impression that he was shirtless, highly-muscled, and wearing a well-padded speedo. Relaxed and happy, he was surrounded by 4 other guys, who were all having a beer, egging each other on and cracking up.

M is very self-confident, but he is not someone who seeks out crowds or who normally enjoys being the center of attention. And yet here he was, completely in his element, handing out one-liners right along with the steaks he'd just grilled. I am so glad that we have ended up here and that we have the privilege of being a part of this community!

Shameless metaphor

2011-04-30T19:19:00.011+02:00

On my walk yesterday I stopped to admire an ancient apple tree. I don't know how old apple trees get, but this one had an impressive trunk and improbably thick branches. The weather was beautiful and everything was in bloom. The tears in my eyes could have been from pollen or maybe just from the raw emotion that seems to be flowing just under the surface of my being lately.

My friend died. The one who was in at the emergency clinic the other day for a broken leg. He was 93, an acquaintance from the nursing home. Someone who'd already told me a year ago that he was tired of life and would like to just go ahead and get death over with.

He'd showed me pictures. Old black and white photos, goofy shots of friends in military uniforms, just before they were massacred on a field in Russia. He'd gotten wind of an ambush and had had a friend shoot him in the leg so that he would be sent to the field hospital. He was the only survivor in his whole unit, and the guilt cripples him to this very day. Or up until April 18th, to be exact.

And then suddenly another image crowds into my mind. That of S and B. I'd spotted them earlier in the week on my way to the grocery store. They were on their bikes, saw me and waved happily, a box with half a dozen ice creams under S's arm. They're on vacation, the sun was shining, and they were taking long meandering bicycle tours, the majority of which ended up at the grocery store, where they get more bang for their buck with the ice cream funds that they got from their Opa. Then, jacked up on sugar, they do wheelies and other death-defying stunts until it's time to come home and revel in the luxury of free time and lazy boredom that come with being an average of 10 years old...

I smile, and then remember an old friend whose life is dissolving around her ears. Her mother, dying of cancer, her father, who can't handle the pressure, and who's had to be admitted into a mental ward with a nervous breakdown. Her own marriage in crisis and future uncertain.

A loved one who was given an all-clear after a cancer screening. pure joy and relief.

A new house, a new beginning.

This old apple tree, with its beautiful, deceptively fragile-looking blossoms, which hide gnarled, scarred branches. Reminds me a lot of life in all its glory...

OK then, if you say so! ;-)

2011-04-30T15:12:00.006+02:00

An old friend is getting married in Sarajevo in July. M and the kids won't be able to attend, so I'll be flying solo. Emailed one of the recommended hotels and asked for a single room at the discounted price:

Hotel: "Double room is available at 65 Euros per night. Please confirm that you'll take it. Regards, Nermin I."

Me: "Thanks, but I am traveling alone and would like to book a single room. Do you have any available? Thanks in advance, Betsy."

Hotel: "Single room. EUR 53 including tax. Regards, Nermin I."

Me: "Perfect! I'll take it! Please reserve it for me for the dates provided. Best regards, Betsy"

Bosnian Hotel: ...

24 hours pass and I'm starting to conjure up doomsday scenarios where I arrive to find no rooms available and have to spend the weekend in a dumpster.

On the other hand, I worry that if I send another email that I'll come off as pushy, that they'll maliciously cancel my reservation and that I'll, well, have to spend the weekend in a dumpster. Finally cave and try to write an email that sounds firm, but not simpering:

Me: "Hello again. Sorry, but could you please confirm that the single room is available from xx through xx July and that it has been reserved for me? I'm a little nervous about the trip and just want to know that this has been taken care of. thank you very much and have a nice weekend. Betsy"

Got this reply this morning:

Hotel: "CONFIRMED. Don’t be nervous. Regards, Nermin I."

Dutch "compliments"

2011-04-30T15:11:00.002+02:00

He looked at me affectionately and said: "Bets, you've dried up nice!" I chose to take it as a compliment...

(not so) random acts of kindness

2011-04-13T09:58:00.013+02:00

Yesterday afternoon came and I had 4 hours before handing over the keys to the old house. I'd been cleaning for 4 days straight (after schlepping boxes up the stairs to our new house every day for 3 weeks before that.) and was so exhausted that I either started to cry or fell asleep every time I sat down! Suddenly K showed up, vacuumed the ground floor, swept the driveway and was just so generally cheery that I found the will to live and finished up just in time for the handover at 6pm.

This move has taught me so much about the kindness of friends and strangers and how big a difference little favors make during a turbulent time! I've had to learn to accept help from others and to be able to communicate my needs, and that's the only thing that kept me from stringing myself up from the nearest rafter. (That and the fact that our rafters are attached to the ceiling and you can't actually get a rope around them...)

Thinking back now I'm so grateful for all the little kindnesses-- a bullet point list doesn't do them justice, but I want to list some of them so that I can look back later and remember how lucky I was that I have such great friends and neighbors who:

donated loads of boxes and packing materials
explained the whole buying process in Germany and provided much needed advice
showed up at random moments to help with schlepping / cleaning / moral support, etc
helped S study for a tough German test
brought us fresh homemade dinners on 6 of the evenings during the week that we moved
dropped off an amazing care package with American snax, a loaf of bread and peanut butter and jelly so that I wouldn't have to drop everything whenever the kids got hungry
painted the walls of the downstairs bedrooms
brought me a tiny tea kettle, a mug and green tea bags so that I'd have a pick-me-up while working in the empty old house
helped me pick out lighting fixtures because I seem to be missing the necessary skillz to do that myself
came over with a fresh homemade crab quesadilla right at a moment when I thought I was going to keel over with hunger and fatigue
came by at random moments to rescue my kids from ennui and an empty house when I couldn't be here to make sure they were clothed / fed / staying off of the streets.
gave us a bottle of *awesome* homemade pear schnapps. (hot DAMN is it good!)
gave us a potted plant to welcome us to the new neighborhood

Thank you everyone! I am so humbled by your generosity and hope to be able to jump in at just the right moment when you need it most!

Moving HELL

2011-04-10T08:02:00.004+02:00

Moving is stressful enough on its own, but what if you throw in a couple of medical emergencies just to make the day even more "interesting"?

The morning started off well enough. M's brother had come down from Amsterdam to help and we had a good laugh about the dog, who snored loudly for the better part of an hour while 5 burly strangers literally carted all of our belongings out of the house!

We were just about finished throwing the last bits and pieces into boxes when the school called: S's finger(s) had been slammed in a door, it was bleeding, possibly broken, and we needed to come get him immediately to take him to a doctor. Of course my jacket had been packed, my keys had been packed-- I'm lucky I actually had shoes on! ;-)

So I raced down to pick him up-- his hand was bandaged and he had blood all over his shirt, but it seemed like his finger(s) had stopped bleeding by that time. Took him to the pediatrician who confirmed that he wouldn't need stitches, but who forwarded me on to the emergency clinic here in town so that he could have some x-rays taken. We were giving all of our information when an acquaintance got wheeled past on a brancard to be taken to the hospital with a broken leg!!!

S got x-rays taken and we were waiting for the results when suddenly I hear M's voice! ??? Turned around and was shocked to see him standing there next to one of the movers, who was holding a huge wad of paper towels on his head! Apparently one of his buddies had put some 2,5 meter metal poles on top of the truck, but hadn't secured them. When this guy pressed the button to open the back of the truck, the door pulled a pole off the roof, it fell from the top of the truck, end first, DIRECTLY ONTO HIS HEAD! M saw the whole thing happen and said it was completely surreal!

So of course the moving guy is bleeding like crazy. M rinsed him off with some water, gave him a compress and brought him to the emergency clinic. His brother stayed behind to clean up the blood and help coordinate the other 4 movers who just continued on with their work.

In the end the poor moving guy had a 6 cm gash on his head which took 7 staples to close!!! He looked like Frankenstein and actually even schlepped some heavy stuff after we got back to the house!

S's finger wasn't broken after all, thank God. The door had actually closed all the way, and his finger had split in three places, but the wounds were superficial, luckily. He wore a cast for a couple of days, which meant no homework and lots of attention from the other kids in the class. (Oh, and he told me somewhat proudly yesterday that he left some impressive blood stains on the carpet in the classroom.)

We're now paying for the chaotic nature of the last hour of packing-- I opened up a box yesterday looking for B's shoes and found a dead plant, a pillow case and a box of cat food. There's a light at the end of the tunnel, now, though, and I'm just hoping that it's not the train......................

Either Vlad's been hitting the Rogain...

2011-04-03T15:18:00.000+02:00

...or I've been slacking at dusting...

Roots.

2011-04-02T08:00:00.002+02:00

Was out walking D with the kids when I noticed a new patch of gray hair sprouting on her neck. When I mentioned it S hesitated and said: "Umm, Mom, I've um sort of noticed that, well, umm, you've got some new gray hair too." And B chimed in with: "YEAH! I've been wondering what that weird stripe was on the top of your head!"

*Sigh* It's high time to make a new appt at the salon but I'm afraid I'll have to wait until after the move to do it. In the meantime I'm afraid I look like Pepe Lepew...

M's even funny when he's annoyed!

2011-04-01T07:14:00.005+02:00

We're sorting through boxes and I'm worn down and am not being as focused as I should be.

Me: Hey! Here's some Kazakh money!

M: Mmmhmm.

Me: Hey-- A was born in Kazakhstan! I'll bet he'd think it was funny! Maybe you could give it to him!

M: Mmmhmm.

Me: ... for sexual favors!

M: The only sexual favor he could do for me would be to stay away from me!

but I'm sure it looked hilarious!

2011-03-31T14:12:00.003+02:00

Our landlord will be arriving in 15 minutes with a painter to look around our current house and make a list of rooms that will need to be painted before the next tenants can move in. It looks like a bomb has gone off in here. *AND* due to a combination of procrastination and spectacularly bad planning I've only just noticed that our vacuum cleaner is at the other house. So I just vacuumed our whole downstairs floor with a dustbuster.

Man, I can't wait until this transition phase is behind us!

Actually I had two shots of vodka just before I came in!

2011-03-26T18:45:00.006+01:00

I had my standard biennial physical this week. My doctor checked my blood, respiration and circulation and then led me into an examination room where she did an ultrasound check of my major organs just to make sure that everything was still where it should be. (It was.)

I was watching the screen, following along with her when she said:

"Aha. There's your gall bladder. You must be sober."

I stifled a laugh. "Am I sober? Um, yeah, it's 11am!"

And it was only then that I realized that the German word for "sober" (nüchtern) also means that you have an empty stomach. :-D

Quick update

2011-03-22T17:42:00.004+01:00

Haven't written in a while and am realizing that all kinds of things are going on that aren't being recorded here! So here's a list, not necessarily in chronological order or order of importance.

Thought the cat was at death's door, but it turns out that she's fine. Thank goodness, but worrying about her probably shortened *my* life.
We bought the house, have organized for contractors to put a door into one wall and move the door on another. I've painted one wall in S's room and have schlepped over more boxes than I care to remember. Official moving date is set for April 6th.
B stepped wrong coming down the stairs and has sprained his ankle. It was surprisingly hard to find crutches that were the right size for him. He didn't seem to mind all the attention he got the first day he used them but quickly decided that they're way too much effort and is champing at the bit wanting to heal up and get off of them. Might last another week.
M is in Moscow on business this week and keeps sending me pictures of our old haunts- on the one hand I'm thrilled for him and on the other I'm positively green with jealousy.
Went down today and registered B for middle school for next year! How on earth is this possible?!
Yesterday a bully knocked S down, ripped off his good boots and threw them 5 stories down a stairwell. They're totally trashed. I was livid! Called him up and went ballistic over the telephone like a Howler straight out of Harry Potter. Afterward I felt totally ashamed and totally satisfied all at the same time... :-P
We were hoping to find someone to take over our current house from May 1st in order to avoid paying an extra month of double rent. The real estate agent called me yesterday to say she's found someone and they're happy to move in already in the middle of April! AWESOME!

I'm sure there's more, but I'm so fried at this moment that nothing is coming to mind. More later...

A quick trip down the rabbit hole.

2011-03-05T16:29:00.006+01:00

I was just hiking in the woods when suddenly a herd of cross-dressers thundered past! They were a group of older men with enviably perky boobs, flowing wigs and lacy socks peeking out above their jogging shoes. They waved merrily as they passed and I returned their greeting, slightly dumbfounded.

It was only a few seconds later as a second group passed me, this time dressed up as clowns, that it hit me: Fasching. The running club obviously decided to spice up their training today.

Crazy German Carnival is sure keeping my life interesting this week!

OMG, are you OK?

2011-03-04T12:52:00.003+01:00

B got home before me this afternoon. When I arrived he opened the door. He was deathly pale with dark rings under his eyes and a little bit of dried blood at the corner of his mouth.

It took me several horrified seconds before I realized that his class had a Fasching (Carnival) party at school today and he'd dressed himself up as a vampire...

Tagged

2011-02-26T08:54:00.002+01:00

Goofball tagged me for a meme and since I'm procrastinating doing laundry and cleaning the bathrooms this morning I'm all over this one! ;-)

Rule #1: the tagged person must write their answers on their blog and replace any question they dislike with a new question they formulated themselves.
Rule # 2: tag 4 people to do this quiz. The tag-ee must state who tagged them.

1. If you have pets, do you see them as merely animals or are they members of your family?
Our pets are members of the family, albeit extremely messy ones. Luckily the other members of my family rarely vomit on the carpet or spread around half their body weight in stray hair...

2. If you could have a dream come true, what would it be? To live a long, happy, healthy life.

3. What would you do with a billion dollars?
Travel, make some donations to Doctors Without Borders, Planned Parenthood and NPR and then save whatever's left.

4. What helps pull you out of a bad mood?
SUNSHINE, Long hikes in the country with my dog, laughing at my husband's dry sense of humor.

5. What is your bedtime routine?
I meditate and then do some mindless surfing with M.

6. If you are currently in a relationship, where did you meet your significant other?
On vacation back in 1993. He was my big summer romance! :-)

7. What kind of books do you read?
I'm hit or miss. Can never quite predict what's going to grab me right in that moment. For the past couple of years I've been trying to only read books in German-- friends will recommend a book and I'll buy the German version. That keeps my language skills well-oiled but my head is often in a state of confusion.

8. What is one luxury you allow yourself to indulge in without feeling guilty?
I take M's dress shirts to the cleaners. Life is too short IMHO to iron *anything*.

9. What's your fear?
That something terrible to could happen to M or the kids.

10. Would you give up all junk food for the rest of your life for the opportunity to see outer space?
absolutely. I don't eat a lot of junk food in the first place, so it seems like it would be a pretty easy trade-off!

11. What's the first thing you do when you wake up?
Stretch and then feed all the creatures. (Including the human ones)

12. If you could change one thing about your significant other, what would it be?
I wish that he loved to cook!

13. If you could pick a new name for yourself what would it be?
Bob.

14. If you had to choose between six months of sun or six months of rain, what would you choose?
I don't think I would survive 6 months of rain.

15. If you could eat only one thing for the next six months what would it be?
Peanut butter sandwiches.

16. What is the thing you enjoy about blogging the most?
Keeping track of everything so that I can laugh about it all later.

17. Do you prefer salty or sweet foods?
Salty. Have never been able to handle sugar so I don't even really know what I'm missing.

18. What items are in your purse right now?
wallet, cupcake-flavored germ gel (thanks Kel!), ChapStick, a pen, old receipts and a bandaid.

19. If you had to choose between vacationing at the beach or in the mountains, where would you go?
The beach. I'm lucky enough to be able to see mountains every so often, but I'm seriously lacking in the beach department.

20. What do you watch on television that you know you shouldn't?
Believe it or not I don't watch TV. We only have basic channels and I haven't ever taken the time to find any shows here that I like. Instead I tend to waste a lot of time watching bad Internet...

I tag the following people who are welcome but in no way obliged to do this meme:
Kenico
Mausi
Chui Hsia
Astrid

How many fingers are you holding up?

2011-02-25T16:37:00.004+01:00

On Tuesday at Aikido a somewhat overzealous sparring partner threw me and I came down hard on the back of my head. I didn't even have time to react-- one minute I was rushing at him and the next thing I knew I was lying on my back and gazing up at the ceiling. I think I might have actually had a light concussion-- felt dizzy and unfocused for the next 24 hours. :-P

Of course this happened shortly after I'd been mentally congratulating myself for all the progress I've made learning how to fall properly and roll in order to diffuse the impact. In my mind I'm moving like Steven Seagal, but I'm afraid the reality is closer to Miss Piggy. (Hiiiiiiiiya!)

Not one of my finer moments.

2011-02-24T16:49:00.006+01:00

This morning I was perched on the sofa, stealing reading time before I walked B to school. Was totally engrossed in my book and went to reach for my ginormous glass o' tea without looking, knocked it over and THE WHOLE THING SPLASHED OVER A STRIP OF ELECTRICAL OUTLETS THAT WAS LYING NEXT TO IT!

The whole house went dark. I was so shocked (har har) that I was also afraid to put my feet down on the ground because there was tea there too and I was convinced I'd electrocute myself, B would rush to my aid, electrocute himself, and S would come home after school to find our charred remains floating in a scummy pool of Japanese sencha.

Luckily I pulled myself together and called M-- of course he was in the car with a couple of colleagues, which made me feel even stupider, because I was on speakerphone. Hi, yes, this is your wife, and I've, ummmm, done something very stupid.

All's well that ends well. I mopped everything up, cleaned the pools of tea out of the electrical strip and unplugged it, and when I flipped the fuse the house hummed back to life without shocking the beejeezus out of me...

Thank god for small miracles.

Have fallen madly in love...

2011-02-20T14:12:00.003+01:00

...with a house. We've made an offer and it's been accepted! We're working on all the paperwork now and hope to own it by the end of March! Am still in shock.

More news to come...

Hot zone.

2011-02-04T13:05:00.001+01:00

The kid with whom S and B walk to school succumbed to some nasty stomach virus last weekend. Then we spent the whole of Monday afternoon hanging out at another friend's house while I drank coffee with the mother. The very next day they were *all* felled by this stomach virus. (It's apparently so bad that they needed to keep a bucket in front of the toilet while they were sitting on i!.)

I've had a bad feeling all week, am waiting for the axe to drop. S was sick yesterday and today, but just with a headache. Today he was better so he had a friend over to play. Right in the middle of the action the kid suddenly went very pale, said: "I don't feel very well, can your mother please take me home?" S just called and his mother said he now has a stomach virus as well.

So now the question is: are we spreading it or is it stalking us?!

Code Red

2011-02-04T08:34:00.004+01:00

I called our landlord yesterday to tell him we might have a slight gas leak down in our basement. And I stressed *slight* because you could only smell if if the door has been closed for a while.

S was home from school sick, so after placing that call I left him here in his pajamas to go pick up B. While I was gone the landlord came by, but S isn't allowed to answer the door when we're not here, so he just ignored the doorbell.

Apparently when the landlord called the people at the gas company they went into full-tilt emergency mode. They immediately dispatched a van which came screeching to a halt in front of our house. Neighbors are coming outside to see what's going on, and the landlord is ringing the doorbell nonstop.

The gas guy says that if he can't get hold of me in the next few minutes that they're going to have to call the police to break in! D is going insane barking, which was great, because our landlord (who's a slimeball) has the keys but is afraid to go in because he doesn't want to be torn to pieces by our vicious guard dog. :-D (I don't plan on correcting this particular misperception.)

I pulled up to see him standing on our driveway looking frantic, neighbors out on their driveways rubbernecking, and I knew poor S was hiding somewhere up in his pj's upstairs in his room!

All's well that ends well. The leak was very small and just due to an old washer-- they replaced that and went on their merry way. And luckily I gave the neighbors something to gossip about over their coffee this weekend. :-) (Oh, and I didn't end up blowing up the neighborhood. Maybe they'll even thank me for that!)

Short circuit

2011-02-02T13:36:00.005+01:00

I'm on a Russian kick again. It's haunting me so much that lately I've been listening to language lesson tracks on my iPod on my daily walks with the dog. They're really helping and at least during that hour it's as if a door opens in my head and the Russian comes flooding out.

I must be quite a spectacle-- walking along briskly, muttering to myself with wild hair and a distracted look on my face. Today I was going through drills with Serge, who was asking: "How long has he been in Moscow?" "три года (Three years)." "How long have you been in Moscow?" "пять лет (5 years)".

Suddenly I realized that two men were standing in front of me, petting D. One of them was moving his lips. I ripped out one of my earbuds: "Wie bitte?" (I beg your pardon?)

In my left ear I heard him say: "Wie alt ist Ihr Hund?" (How old is your dog?) just as Serge was shouting into my right: "Cколько лет Катя уже живёт в Москве?" ( How long has Katya already lived in Moscow?)

I smiled brightly and said: "Семь лет." (7 years.)

They looked at me strangely.

"Oh sorry. Zeven." (which is 7 in Dutch.)

"Was? Sieben?! Sieben was? Monate?" (What? Seven? Seven what? Months?)

"Nee." (Dutch.)

Sieben Wochen? Nein, doch? (Seven weeks?! Can't be right!)

"Nein. Sieben... Sieben... Hmm. Ans! Nee. Jahr! Wow. Севодня geht mir Deutsch niet gut." (I can't even begin to explain that one. Mix of 5 languages, completely mangled-- about the effect you'd get if you crossed a Great Dane with Chihuahua.)

By this time they're smiling and nodding and backing away from me. It wouldn't have surprised me if smoke had been coming out of my ears. I waved goodbye to them and finished my walk. This time without Serge...

A polar bear just drowned because of us.

2011-01-30T10:14:00.008+01:00

Last week the kids had a sleepover so M and I went out on a date. Giddy with the anticipation of some much needed time alone, we dropped them off and drove to a nearby town for dinner. The evening was cold and beautiful, and we cracked up over something stupid as we jumped from the car and dashed up the street to our restaurant. We enjoyed a long, leisurely, uninterrupted dinner and even took time for cheese and then espressos afterward.

About 2 1/2 hours later we were walking back and were about 50 meters away from our car when M said: "Hmm. That's strange, I think my lights are still on. Well, ha ha. At least we know that the battery still works!"

I giggled.

Then, after about 20 more meters he said: "Wait-- is the engine on???!!"

We were shocked to find the car running, heated to a pleasant 23 degrees Celsius, and our favorite CD playing on the radio!!! It was so bizarre that it took us a while to figure out what had happened.

This is a new car with a remote keyless system, which means that it starts and stops at the push of a button. The only problem is that one probably shouldn't forget to actually push that button before one steps out of the car!!!

Upon further inspection we found a ticket from the police which cited us for unnecessary emissions and fined us 10 euros.

M was impressed that they even have a category for that here, but also found it a laughable amount-- you probably couldn't have paid someone 10 euros to warm up the car for us and put on our favorite CD for after dinner! :-)

I don't think we should return to that town anytime soon...

Child for sale. going cheap,

2011-01-19T18:45:00.004+01:00

Me: I've got a surprise for you guys, but you've got to finish your homework before you can have it.

B: What's the surprise?

Me: I'm not going to tell you. Please finish your homework.

B: What's the surprise? What's the surprise? What's the surprise? What's the surprise? What's the surprise? What's the surprise? What's the surprise? What's the surprise?

Me: B, that's really annoying. If you keep that up you're going to lose the surprise.

B: I know! See, the trick is to be annoying right up until the moment before I lose the surprise. Then I have fun AND I still get the reward. I'm really good at that.

Just in case you were wondering.

2011-01-18T18:52:00.005+01:00

So there we were in the waiting room at the dentist's office. I was leafing through a women's magazine with B peering over my shoulder. We got to a somewhat racy ad for perfume: a man lying on top of a woman in bed, apparently in the throes of ecstasy. B snorted and shouted: "EWW! GROSS! They're NAKED!"

S was sitting on the other side of the room and shouted: "Who's naked?!"

To which B replied loudly: "Yuck! It's an ad for perfume! And the people are naked! Why on earth would that sell any perfume?"

S's answer: "Well, clothes cover up a lot of the smell when you're sweaty. When you take off your clothes the odor gets stronger. Maybe that's why they need the perfume when they're naked!"

Funny thing is his sense of humor is so dry he might have been joking. But I'm still not sure...

How does he come up with this stuff?!

2011-01-15T12:35:00.003+01:00

S walked into the kitchen this evening and he'd scotch taped his eyes open.

We were heading out the door to go out to dinner and he asked me if he could go that way and I said: "be my guest".

I don't think he expected me to call his bluff...

See, he IS real!

2010-12-26T07:25:00.021+01:00

I haven't been around to blog lately because I've been crazy busy. Soon I'll blog about hectic December with its myriad of emergency vet visits, school-related demands and other various activities. And on top of that, I'm feeling really stretched across three cultures: the variety makes life rich and interesting, but it can also leave one rootless; floating.

December always seems hellish to me-- I've only just cleaned up after Thanksgiving and need to start scrambling to organize Dutch Sinterklaas. Right along with Sinterklaas comes German Advent, and with that we race headlong into the Christmas season, which is celebrated in different ways depending on which culture we happen to find ourselves in.

This year was a little topsy-turvy: we celebrated Sinterklaas with my parents and Christmas with Michiel's parents. It was so nice to be able to spend time with family, but as a result of celebrating each holiday outside of its specific cultural context a lot of tradition fell through the cracks.

And I have no one to blame but myself. Without the cornerstone of religion or childhood Sinterklaas memories to give the holidays meaning, December has devolved for me into a series of obligations in the middle of an already busy time.

I bought all the gifts, grudgingly baked for a myriad of holiday parties and sent heartfelt Season's Greetings to faraway friends. Somehow it all got done, but the magic has definitely been lost along the way.

This year we celebrated Christmas in Holland, where it isn't as big holiday as it is in the States. We were supposed to have opened presents with Michiel's brother's family, but their kids were sick, so their visit got postponed. Making a purely pragmatic decision, M and I decided to wait and open presents when we can finally all get together at New Year's eve.

We had a really nice day-- we took the S and B out for a long romp in the snow in the Biesbosch and my MIL prepared a beautiful dinner which we shared with M's 100 year old Oma. By sheer coincidence the kids saw a version of A Christmas Carol and we talked about Scrooge and Dickens.

Last night I was tucking S into bed when he gave me a sleepy hug and said: "Merry Christmas, Mom." And suddenly it hit me: I'd wished everyone else a Merry Christmas but hadn't even said it to my own sweet son. This is the kid who stoically accepted the fact that presents wouldn't be opened for another week and didn't complain about the half-assed way we celebrated Sinterklaas or the fact that this year we didn't even put out stockings for Santa!

That swift, hard realization shattered my heart into a thousand pieces. Christmas is supposed to be special, and it's my duty to uphold that magic for my kids, regardless of how old they are or how loudly they declare that they don't believe in Santa. I am supposed to be the keeper of tradition and in that area I have failed miserably.

Obviously being with loved ones during the holiday season is important, and we're definitely enjoying that. Clearly the gifts aren't central in our house, so I feel like we're doing something right there as well. But there's also an element of anticipation, childlike wonder and timeworn tradition which are vital, and in that respect I've completely dropped the ball.

But you know what? Something magical happened last night! Sometime after we'd all gone to bed, probably while I lay crying into my pillow, a note arrived. It appears that Santa has been delayed by the snowstorms that have paralyzed Europe, but a trusty elf managed to get through with a handwritten message.

He hasn't forgotten us after all! Somehow he knew that S and B have been kind and honest and sweet to each other this year. His letter instructed us all to put out our stockings on Monday night. (And he said they should be BIG!) (He also asked that we not forget to leave him cookies.)

Santa may be finished with all of your houses but he still has one last stop to make, and I'm so grateful that he's decided to visit us this year after all despite my lack of faith and general Bah Humbug attitude! And this might be one the most precious Christmas gifts I receive this year!

Winter fun.

2010-12-17T10:32:00.005+01:00

I don't think any of you will be surprised to hear that winter has hit hard here and it just keeps on coming! Just last night we got 10cm of snow and there's apparently plenty more where that came from.

I'm not a winter person under the best of circumstances and this unseasonably cold and stormy weather has left me, shall we say... a little cranky.

Wednesday afternoon we were at a friend's house and the kids cleared a bunch of snow to reveal a long patch of smooth ice. They were taking running starts and skimming across the ice on their boots. Which, of course, went really well until it didn't anymore. K and I happened to be looking out the window and saw B go down hard and his face hit the ice. We actually heard the sound of the impact all the way inside!

Convinced B had knocked out all of his teeth, I ran outside to help him and wiped out hard on the next slippery patch. *grrrrrumble*

So in the end B was more or less OK, and I put an end to this particular form of winter fun. On the way home my car skidded twice on the icy roads. *grrrruuuummmble*

I was writing a crabby ice-related email to M when I heard splashing water. outside. in -5 degree (celsius) weather. ???

I went outside to see S doubled over with laughter. B was dumping buckets of water out of our 2nd story bathroom window and it was splashing all over our front steps and forming a big puddle in front of the front door. Ice rink, anyone? Where did I put my sequined leotards?

I wonder how many of us are going to survive through Christmas? Anyone want two slightly used boys? Cause I've got a couple going real cheap...

Quel délire!

2010-11-01T17:12:00.003+01:00

One of M's cousins has sent his son to spend a few days with us. This kid is a delight, but there's just one catch: he's French and speaks only very basic English. So we've got M speaking Dutch with me and I'm speaking English with the kids, who are speaking German with each other. And here we are all trying out our limited French on A! It's fun, but pure insanity.

My brain, she is tired...

Nine and Eleven. (The undead version.)

2010-10-29T20:09:00.001+02:00

ELEVEN! (OMG!)

2010-10-27T18:40:00.000+02:00

Cutting edge birthday gift

2010-10-25T14:38:00.007+02:00

Last month, out of the blue B turned to me and said: "You know what I'd like for my birthday? A sharp knife so that I can whittle wood!" I said something to the tune of: "Why sure! When pigs fly." and went back to whatever I was doing.

A couple of days later, however, serendipity hit! The wooden canoe museum in Stuttgart (Holzkanumuseum) was holding a day-long workshop in which children could make their own woodcarving knives (with the help of a parent.) What an amazing opportunity!

M and B spent Saturday afternoon cutting, sanding and even sewing! And now B is the proud new owner of a supposedly kid-friendly whittling knife!

(**As of this afternoon we already have our first (minor) whittling injury, but other than that things seem to be going well... *knocks on wood and spits over shoulder* For those of you considering a call to child services: don't worry! He's only allowed to whittle when either M or I are around to supervise.)

NINE!

2010-10-19T12:16:00.006+02:00

Дай нам Алясочку назад!**

2010-10-16T10:37:00.004+02:00

Last night M and I went to see Любэ in concert with a couple of Russian friends. We've had these guys on rotation for almost 20 years, so it was *amazing* to be able to see them performing live! (The people-watching was such a treat as well!)

**Give us Alaska back!

Finally catching up on posting!

2010-10-06T14:52:00.016+02:00

We rounded out the summer vacation with a trip to Paris to visit M's cousin and his family. The weather was beautiful and M's cousin lent us his deux chevaux! What a treat! We made a quick trip around the area and then came back and ate stinky cheese and drank Bourdeau out in the garden! It doesn't get much more French than that, does it?!

We also spent an afternoon in Disneyland Paris. The crowds were inSANE! I'm glad that the kids got to see it but don't feel the need to go back any time soon!

Here are a couple of pictures from that weekend plus one of B's ingenious solution to the woes of chopping onions.

S was away last week on a class trip to a youth hostel in the country. We certainly missed him, but B also really enjoyed the perks that come with being an only child! Here is documented proof of one of his over-the-top dessert creations: bunny s'morez! As a vegetarian this is about as close to bunny meat as B is planning to get, but I thought the exploding marshmellow effect was a particularly cruel / funny twist!

S is now back home, safe and sound. He had a great time-- he brought several cool music playlists along and relished his role as the class dj. How is it that he's getting to be so big?!!!

Vacation week 4e: Austria

2010-08-30T09:20:00.012+02:00

We woke to the sound of several explosions in rapid succession. My first sleepy thought was that the Campground Clochard had snapped and was running amok amongst the campers. M jumped out of bed and dashed outside. I found him in his underwear staring groggily at the framework of the tent in front of our caravan. (He later said he thought one of the poles had snapped and had slammed up against the caravan.)

There was another loud explosion and we jumped back inside the caravan. As we climbed back into bed I remember asking: "You think we're safe in here?" and he answered something like: "I could probably poke my finger through these flimsy walls. You think it would actually stop a bullet?" And then we inexplicably fell back asleep.

When we woke up several hours later we peeked outside, and instead of seeing a row of corpses or police tape, we were greeted by an Austrian couple on their way to wash their breakfast dishes. When we asked what all the noise was about the man laughed jovially and said: "A wedding!" and walked on.

Ohhhhhhhhkay?

Apparently two young people from the tiny village were getting married. Rural Austrian weddings, at least in this part of the country, are a full day affair which gets kicked off by firing a cannon at very-dark-o'clock to get everyone out of their beds. (This particular cannon was in a field about 100m from our caravan.)

The entire population of Gleinstätten gathered on the street outside of our campground. They were all gussied up in traditional dress and had separated themselves into distinct groups which were arranged as stations that the bride- and groom-to-be had to visit in succession.

The first station was a bunch of co-workers from the groom's office. They all had signs around their necks with his picture which had been crossed out, a sign of his newly non-available status. He and the bride drank schnapps shots and posed for pictures.

Then they moved on to the tractor club. There were speeches and photos and more shots of schnapps.

Then the local farmers-- which was interesting because the groom had to milk a wooden cow. After which, of course, he got to drink some more schnapps.

The people in the wedding party were very friendly and even we were offered glasses of schnapps, which went down surprisingly well after our morning coffee!

The boys got packages of gummy bears, which upon closer inspection were labeled as Viagra: Get it up Gummy Bears and were to be taken liberally at any signs of "faulty piloting".

This was a very bizarre but thoroughly enjoyable morning, and the perfect way to round out our vacation....

Vacation week 4d: Croatia

2010-08-29T10:09:00.000+02:00

It's a godforsaken gray, concrete, bullet-ridden hellhole.

This was M's cousin's exact description of Zagreb, the city where he and his family will be stuck living for at least 3 years. Not exactly a vote of confidence, but we wanted to see it anyway.

We spent a fantastic vacation in Istria back in 2007, and after spending so much time in Moscow, "gray, concrete and bullet-ridden" would probably feel like a homecoming!

So anyway, we went in with pretty low expectations and ended up being pleasantly surprised! Zagreb has some really interesting historic buildings, lots of greenery, is extremely walkable and the people were very friendly!

The historic center is quite small. We stopped off at the tourist information center where we were given a map, a handful of brochures and a cheery "Have a nice stay!".

The necktie was invented here as a reference to scarves that the Croats wore around their necks during the 30 Years' War in the 17th century. And some guy named Slavoljub Penkala invented the ballpoint pen here however long ago. Of course, with a name like Slavoljub he was destined for greatness anyway, wasn't he?! (That or he was destined for incarceration. Personally I'm glad he took the high road and invented the pen....)

The V boy ice cream rating for this city: 5 stars! Even M and I were able to partake in the ice cream action this time since there were 5 (count em, FIVE) different sugar-free varieties to choose from!

We had a great time wandering around exploring the city and then ate a really enjoyable dinner out on M's cousin's balcony. We were blessed with great weather, good Croatian wine, lively conversation and a really gratifying trip!

***Apparently M's cousin and I have very different tastes because he lived in Spain for 8 years and *loved* it. I spent a very trying week there once: had a traumatic run-in with a taxi driver and was ripped off in almost every transaction I made! That was my idea of a hellhole! NO ME GUSTO!!!

Vacation Week 4c: Hungary

2010-08-27T11:35:00.029+02:00

Today we took a trip to Hungary, my grandmother's birthplace. I'd really like to see Transylvania, the area she came from, but it was too far away from our campsite, so we visited nearby Szombathely instead.

Entering Hungary is like entering into a completely different world. The language is totally foreign for me-- neither Russian nor German nor English helped me here. The people we spoke to were very friendly but it was hard to find anyone who spoke anything other than Hungarian, the signs were all indecipherable and I just couldn't seem to get my bearings even though I really tried.

We arrived shortly before lunch and paying for parking was a challenge, as usual. I quickly found a meter, but had to go in search of a bank to get some forint first. Then I had to break a large note, so I hopped into the bakery to buy something small. There was bread on the shelves, but none of it looked very appetizing so I bought a bag of candies for the kids. But these weren't just any old candies, these were tasty Negroes! (WTF?! The kids missed the humor of it but I have to admit that I giggled childishly every time we ate one!)

I really wanted to try some Hungarian food so we stopped a friendly woman on the street and asked her to recommend a nice restaurant. We should probably have taken it as a bad omen when she replied: "Hungarian food? No idea. I only eat Chinese food."

When we finally found a place M and the kids eschewed paprikash in favor of pizza, and I had to laugh when they got it: BBQ sauce smeared on pizza dough and adorned with slices of spam and analog cheese.

I was feeling slightly superior until it came time to choose my own fare. For lack of any other filling vegetarian options I went for a "Light Lunch": fried mushrooms, fried cheese and vegetables from a can with a side order of mayo-based sauce.

Feeling heavy and a bit nauseous we rolled back out onto the street to explore the town. The center square was actually quite pretty with a wide pedestrian area and a couple of fountains. The kids bought an ice cream with their pocket money which they happily deemed "cheap AND yummy!"

We kept laughing about these ubiquitous signs that said Kotzponts-- no idea what it means in Hungarian, but when said in exactly the right way sounds like a "Vomit spot" if one mixes Dutch and English. This later proved to be very fitting when B actually threw up at one. (Even he saw the humor in the situation once he'd rinsed out his mouth.)

It might not surprise you to hear that we didn't stay very long in Szombathely. We just couldn't find our mojo and decided to take a long scenic drive back home in order to get a better feel for the Hungarian countryside.

The surroundings were lush and green, but the towns we saw seemed run-down and forlorn. There was none of the vivacious charisma that seemed to pervade Slovenia, nor the optimism that we felt in Slovakia. Instead the word that kept coming into my mind while driving through these small towns was: "hopeless".

I have to say that as much as I wanted to like Hungary I just didn't. Which maybe isn't fair to say based on one trip to one city and the surrounding areas. I hope I am completely wrong in my quick judgment, but don't think I'll be going back any time soon to find out...

Vacation Week 4b: Slovakia

2010-08-25T07:22:00.000+02:00

Today I finally made good on my vow to return to Bratislava. I use the word "return" only in the very loosest sense, because my first trip lasted only about an hour and a half.

Back in 1991 I flew Czech Air to the then USSR for a summer study program at Moscow State University. Czechoslovakia was still a single entity but it had two capitals and some bored bureaucrat had decreed that every plane making a stopover in Prague also had to spend time in Bratislava.

(This was just the first bit of absurdity I'd experience that summer and it perfectly set the tone for my trip into the twilight zone of decaying soviet bureaucracy.)

So there we were, stuck at the airport. We weren't allowed out. There was nothing else to do but drink Czech beer, play cards and speculate about what might lay outside the walls of this heavily guarded compound.

Fast forward 19 years. I'm a lot grayer, have a family and a dog in tow, but I'm finally getting to see Bratislava!

Our arrival was perfect, one of my favorite moments of the day. We parked out on a public street and needed to pay for parking. I hopped out of the car and started searching for parking meters. nothing. Maybe we need one of those parking cards to show the time of arrival like we do in Germany? No dice.

Fully perplexed I went into observation mode: two different people passed me with what looked like a handful of lottery tickets which they had bought from a young guy in a bright orange vest. When I asked him about parking he smiled and asked me how long I'd be staying. I wasn't sure, so we decided I'd buy 4 hours worth of parking.

I gave him EUR 2,80 and he gave me 4 tickets and explained that I'd have to scratch off the day, month, year and time of day on each one. There was one ticket for each hour and I had to display them all easily visible on the dashboard. Each of these scratch-off forms was the size of a regular brochure and I saw some cars with 8 parking tickets laid out wall-to-wall all the way across the dashboard! (I can't believe I didn't take a picture of this! *kicking self*)

Coasting on my small victory in Ljubliana, I voted that we eat at a vegetarian restaurant again for lunch. (This was grudgingly accepted by S in exchange for a promise of a meat feast at a steakhouse for dinner.) We found an intriguing sounding place in the guidebook-- and re-entered the twilight zone. We were handed plates and two friendly guys doled out the gray, gloppy stuff of your choosing. (And there was a surprising variety of gray gloppy stuff to choose from!) We washed it all down with rosehip juice. It was all very bizarre and I was in heaven. S just seemed stunned.

Downtown Bratislava is surprisingly small, a fact that we didn't realize before we paid a king's ransom to tour it in a tourist train with no roof. The first 15 minutes we traveled 150 meters and the sun beat down on us and I laughed until I cried at the exasperated expression on M's face. The loudspeakers blared little tidbits about the historic buildings next to us and everything was then repeated in 3 other languages. Then the train lurched another 25 meters and the next little tidbit was given, etc.

Once the tour got underway, however, it was really worth it. A surprising number of famous composers including Mozart, Beethoven, Liszt and Chopin lived in Bratislava at one time or another. As apparently did Liszt's favorite one-armed piano protégé. (I really liked that particular factoid.)

Bratislava's got some beautiful rococo buildings and old churches and also the requisite number of wacky communist structures like the concrete UFO that dominates the skyline. Stately Bratislava Castle sits upon a hilltop and provides a magnificent view of the Danube and surrounding area. The city itself, however, has succumbed to the pressures of tourism, and is full of chain stores and noisy English lads on stag weekends. I'm really glad we went, but now my curiosity is sated and I can wait another 19 years before we do this again...

Vacation Week 4a: Slovenia

2010-08-23T10:14:00.000+02:00

The stars have finally aligned and we've found our vacation groove! We've spent the past two days driving the wine route in Austria and exploring bits of Slovenia, which was hands down my favorite country visited during this vacation.

The capital, Ljubliana, is lovely! Most of the downtown area is situated around the Ljublianica river. This is a student town and you really see that reflected in the abundant sidewalk cafes and boutiques.

We took a 2 hour walking tour through the historic downtown and were impressed at how well-maintained everything was. Slovenia stands out head and shoulders above its former Soviet / former Yugoslavian brethren. The roads and cities we saw are well maintained and the people we spoke to seemed optimistic and proud of their country.

I used the almighty power of the mother veto and we had a fabulous lunch at a vegetarian cafe. S wasn't exactly enthusiastic at first but ended up enjoying his edible salad bowl in spite of himself.

After lunch we hiked up a hill to visit the 12th century Ljubliana Castle, which gives spectacular views of the city and surrounding countryside. We savored the panorama and then were thrilled to discover the "Library under the Treetops". Slovenia is apparently the "World Book Capital" for 2010 and in celebration they set up reading corners in various parts of the city. We must have spent the better part of an hour stretched out in lawn chairs and savoring magazines and travel books. This was definitely the highlight of my vacation!

The next day we also quickly visited Maribor, Slovenia's second largest city. Because of an unplanned (and very enjoyable) detour on the way, we got there quite late, drove around and took a walk along the Drava river. We started getting hungry and asked a well-dressed couple if they could recommend a restaurant where we could get some good Balkan food. The man smiled sweetly and said in impeccable English: "I don't know, we never eat out, my wife is an excellent cook!" and gave her a hug. In the end they were able to recommend a place within walking distance and we had an excellent meal.

I thoroughly enjoyed what we saw of Slovenia-- would love to come back sometime and spend a vacation in Bled! I think maybe I could even convince the rest of the family, especially if I promised S that we would keep the vegetarian restaurants to a minimum! ;-)

Borders

2010-08-21T09:32:00.000+02:00

The road is narrow, serpentine, and flanked on both sides by vineyards and pastoral bliss. But it's also got another plus point: for about 3 km it travels along the border between Austria and Slovenia, maintaining a perfect tightrope balance between two very different worlds separated by culture, language, history, politics and every other barrier that humans can think of to separate ourselves into distinct groups.

Even after 20 years of travel, border crossings still fascinate me. I turned to S and B in the back seat: "Hey guys! Check this out! We're driving along the border! Daddy and S are in Austria and B and I are in Slovenia! How cool is that?!!"

They are not impressed. In this vacation alone they will have visited 7 different countries. To them crossing a border just means a trip away from whatever swimming pool we happen to be camping next to that particular week.

S and B are the ultimate global citizens and the world is truly their village. They were born to a generation for whom the Berlin Wall and the Soviet Union are only vague, abstract concepts. Thanks to the Schengen Treaty we barely even slow down when passing a border checkpoint.

I keep noticing that their view of the world is much more fluid than mine. This manifests itself in so many ways, even right down to the language that they speak. They can start a sentence in one language and end it in another, switching effortlessly right along with their train of thought. This flexible, borderless mentality is completely organic, and it fascinates me. S and B have such a huge advantage in this limitless way of thinking, but part of me thinks it's a little sad that they miss out on the tiny thrill I still get whenever I pass over into new frontiers...

Vacation week 3: Gleinstätten, Austria

2010-08-20T09:16:00.006+02:00

The campground is small and nestled in an idyllic landscape just south of Graz in the heart of Austrian wine country. We had great plans for travel, but have been grounded for 5 days. The kids have caught some kind of a stomach virus and I'm feeling restless and claustrophobic.

Our neighbors are a colorful lot. There's an emaciated, free-spirited woman with a dog so aggressive that he wears a lampshade collar to protect other dogs, his owners, other campers, and even himself from the destructive effects of his snapping jaws.

Across from us there is an elderly couple who start guzzling beer at 9am. They keep the crate for the empties in a shopping cart that they've pilfered from a nearby supermarket. They've got an old tv with them-- during the day they watch soap operas with surprisingly foul language, and at night they watch Schlager festivals hosted by Andre Rieu. The frenetic music blares at full volume and elicits giggles and moans of dismay from neighboring tents. One night it was so loud that M went over and convinced the guy to turn it off. On his way back to our camper four different people thanked him for his act of civil courage.

This campground is owned by the county, and the second floor of the sanitation unit is apparently used as social housing. Our pitch backs right up to this building. Due to the delicate nature of S and B's digestion this week, we're happy to be right next to the toilets. This proximity is less advantageous in the early morning hours, however, when the tubercular man upstairs starts to cough and gag and vomit up copious amounts of phlegm.

The owner of this overworked set of lungs is a gnome-like, misshapen, greasy character who spends his days loitering around in various locales. One day he approached our neighbor in a restaurant and asked him if he was a famous German football star. (He's not) Once he'd left the cafe owner shrugged his shoulders and said: "That was our very own clochard. Which saves you a trip to Paris to have to see one!"

Tomorrow we're planning to resume our travels with a trip to Ljubliana, Slovenia and I can't wait to be on the road again!

Vacation photos: family

2010-08-17T08:46:00.000+02:00

Three brothers, fancy car, a rain dance, monkey love, fanatic soccer player, jockeying to become the favorite uncle and more...

Macho

2010-08-16T21:15:00.000+02:00

I'd just gotten back from a long walk with the dog. Even though it was still early the day already promised to be a scorcher. I hosed D down at the dog showers and when I leaned down she gave me an enthusiastic full-body wet doggy tackle.

Right about then my father-in-law showed up with a cup of coffee. He smiled, and then his expression turned to one of complete shock.

"Is that REAL? Um, I think you should probably take a look in the mirror."

D's wet fur had transferred onto my chest and left me with a thatch of chest hair that would have turned any sailor green with envy!

Vacation week 2: Lake Constance, Germany

2010-08-15T08:37:00.007+02:00

This week we camped in a small town near Lake Constance. M's younger brother and his family moved on, and M went back to work, so our group was reduced to 10 people.

I really enjoyed our time in France, but arriving in Germany was like coming home. Even just popping into the supermarket, with all of its organic produce and its neatly arranged aisles gave me a happy feeling!

This campground was larger than the last one and featured a petting zoo with an assortment of barnyard animals with varying degrees of friendliness. B racked up an impressive list of animals that bit him over the course that week: 2 miniature ponies, a goat, two swans and an overenthusiastic sheep. (S just stuck with insects and kept getting stung by wasps).

The campground featured a huge sandbox that kept the kids occupied for hours. They'd eat breakfast and then take off to dig tunnels and build dams and castles. There was also a really nice lake nearby, (Constance's little brother) which was well-equipped and perfect for little swimmers. The kids made friends with a lot of other children on the campground and S and B functioned as their own mini-UN by translating and mediating squabbles among various factions.

A and T took all of the kids to the Zeppelin Museum in Friedrichshafen and the monkey paradise park in Salem. (B was relieved that he didn't get bitten by any monkeys.)

I took long walks with D around the lake in the morning and enjoyed devouring all of the Dutch magazines that Oma and Opa had brought for me.

M showed up with a Dodge Challenger one evening, much to the delight of S and B and every other manly personage camping near us.

It may have rained less this week, but the weather was still crummy and in the end A and T left a day early to drive back to Stuttgart where they could take advantage of our warm, dry beds and nice, big bathtub.

M drove down after work on Friday and we spent a nice, relaxing evening with Oma and Opa. On Saturday we broke camp and traveled on to the next campsite in south-east Austria.

(Pictures to come)

Vacation week 1: Charolles, France

2010-08-08T07:33:00.010+02:00

The first campground we stayed at was off the beaten path in a beautiful rural area near Charolles. It was so small that at any given moment at least 75% of the guests were related to us in some way.

The owners were friendly and welcoming and we had access to a small, relatively shallow swimming pool, perfect for all the little people who could come and go as they wished.

The kids spent their days dashing madly from the swimming pool to the grassy soccer field and back. D was crowned the official V family vacation mascot and wasn't even tied up most of the time. She just wandered from tent to tent, got stroked to her heart's content and devoured anything sticky that anyone left behind.

I took long walks in the mornings and evenings. Sometimes accompanied by a husband, always accompanied by a dog. I really enjoyed the idyllic pastoral landscape with all the Charolais-rump-steaks-to-be happily grazing or chewing their cud under the nearest shade tree.

We had a lot to celebrate this week! The first day we had a childrens' birthday party to celebrate all of the summer birthdays. Opa turned 72 later on that week, and M and I marked our 15th anniversary with a romantic 7 course dinner at a local Michelin-star restaurant.

The only fly in the ointment was the weather. It was unseasonably cool and rained for about half the days we were there. Which created the perfect conditions for slugs-- thousands of them. They crawled over the tents and under the chairs. We found them in our shoes, in the vegetable bin and in the caravan! So we also weren't alone when we took shelter from the rain in the tent attached to our camper. Picture 15 people, 7 of them under 10, and 1,679 slugs all compressed into one extremely humid 6m x 2.5m space. Some moments weren't exactly pretty.

There were several sunny days, though, in which we dashed out to explore our surroundings. We made a great field trip to a chateau in Buxy. This castle was in fantastic condition and had some really amazing 12th century frescoes in the chaple which were surprisingly well preserved.

We also spent a fun afternoon in a children's park which was a bizarre mix of life-sized board games, wacky bicycles, sunflower and wildflower labyrinths, trampolines, and an outdoor museum honoring that bovine wonder, the cow.

Lunchtime came and we all were a bit shocked to see that the snackbar carried little else other than baguettes and 7 different kinds of alcohol infused local pâté. Ohhhh yeah! C'est la vie, baby!

Mukhtar's birthday

2010-07-15T12:26:00.002+02:00

Schmutzie posted a link to this film this morning and it made me smile. (and cry, actually, if the truth be told. I'm becoming an old sap...)

Open wide, baby!

2010-06-21T10:04:00.005+02:00

Interesting babyfood choices at the Italian supermarket. Somehow I can't see Publix stocking these any time soon...

Before and After

2010-06-18T16:43:00.002+02:00

Goofball actually wasn't all that far off when she asked if we were still stuck on vacation.

Well, that's an exaggeration, but our vacation did end up lasting longer than planned due to a flat tire on the way home. Luckily we noticed it on time and it didn't cause an accident, but we did end up spending the night at a rest stop until the camping store opened the next day. The kids missed a day of school and got to eat junkfood from a nearby gas station while we read Harry Potter amidst the piles of dog poop on the side of the road. What an adventure! Personally I preferred the beginning of our vacation to the end...

Breakfast in paradise

2010-05-31T12:06:00.008+02:00

Two boys and a dog... :-)

2010-05-30T23:26:00.002+02:00